We usually get a lot of questions in Flipside's website in regard to co-writing etiquette. There is a lot of factors in creating a reputation in the industry and make people want to write with you or simply making them to avoid you. It’s important to know whether you are on the “naughty” or “nice” co-writer list. Here are some real-life experiences I (or friends of mine) have experienced.
Naughty Co-Writer #1. This guy takes a phone call during the co-write and stays on the phone for more than 5 minutes without explaining what is going on. Usually, he leaves the room, so you don’t know where he is and if/when he is coming back. Nice Co-Writer #1. Apologizes for his phone ringing, explains that it is urgent and comes back to let you know if he is going to be a while. Communication keeps him in the “nice” category.
I believe that to be successful as a songwriter, you have to be very versatile. I have had songs recorded by a very wide variety of artists. But, the area in which I have had the most success is writing my life. When I have written the experiences that have shaped and melded me, I have had success. In my former life, I was a youth “wise guy”. So, I saw the good, bad and ugly of street life. Those experiences creep into my writing often. There is a spiritual thread that runs through much of my writing. In many ways, I process and “work through” that time in my life through my writing. I am a very passionate person, so that part of me runs through my music as well. I believe that your unique life experiences give you the BEST shot at crafting a song that stands out. Nobody has lived YOUR life. So, write it. Don’t try to shine it up or make it sound better than it has been. Just write it. Be raw and real.
The other day, a friend and I were talking about a songwriter that is on fire. He’s getting an amazing number of cuts. We were talking (with a little envy) about his success and wishing for something even close to what he is experiencing. Someone else came in the room and heard us mention his name. They said, “Do you know his story?” Both of us admitted that we did not. So, he told us the story. This writer came to town and was living in his car. After several months of living that way, he met a song plugger who really liked his music. The plugger discovered that he was living in his car and invited him to live in the spare room in his house until he could afford a place to stay. The writer said that he didn’t want to impose. Instead, he asked if he could just live in a tent in the song plugger’s yard. He would not change his mind, even though the plugger begged him to stay in the house. He cooked his food outside and only went inside to wash clothes or to use the restroom.
In a mentoring session the other day, I was helping a young songwriter who felt like she was really floundering around in pursuit of her dream. She talked about how frustrating it was to tell whether or not she was making progress and how difficult it is to tell what she should be doing differently to get ahead. I told her that 99% of the people I mentor have the same questions. Since it’s such a common ailment, I have spent a good amount of time applying my psychology degree to figure out why so many people feel this way and how I got out of that mentality earlier in my career.
A dream is not a goal. The big issue I discovered is that a dream is really a goal. It’s a destination that you would like to arrive at someday. That’s not measurable. Neither does it provide any instruction on how you get to this beautiful destination. It’s simply a wish. Saying “I want to be a professional songwriter” is like saying “I want to go to Madagascar”. Except that, if I say I want to go to Antarctica, it’s easier to see what I need to do to get there.
Songwriting is all about connection. Whether you write for yourself, or you are writing for commercial purposes, the goal is still the same. It’s all about connection. Even people who aren’t trying to get their songs recorded are generally interested in playing their songs for people and moving those people with their music. I don’t know anyone who truly writes ONLY for themselves. So, if you write songs and only play them for yourself in your home, this article may not be for you. But, if you EVER play your music for other people, I’m talking to you.
One of the worst feelings as a writer is playing your song for someone and seeing that glassy stare that says, “this isn’t doing anything for me”. When I’m playing my songs for people, I love to see a smile break out on their face, a tear roll down their cheek, or their foot tapping.